jay: I'm Home
jay: I'm Loaded
jay: stupid work
mike: why are you loaded if you're just back from work
jay: We had beersw
jay: andnowi'm havinbg chips. I htink they are Mitchs
jay: What are you up too? Last I herad you were cpssonmg a birdge
mike: crossing a bridge huh
mike: i'm just finished watching hockey and now i'm reading for english
jay: I tok that once
jay: not to welll by the ,llooks of it
mike: what gmail name should i try to get
mike: list some words, either funny or just good, that i should try to get
dale: i have a new song
dale: instead of "beans beans the magical fruit. the more you eat the more you toot
dale: the more you toot the better you feel so it's beans beans for every meal"
dale: the song will now be "beans beans i ate too many and shit my pants"
dale: i don't know why but it is the funniest thing
mike: yeah okay
shaun: hey i got a gmail invite too
shaun: i just want to think of a good name first
mike: go with vico
mike: or TROGDOR
shaun: no no
shaun: Oooo ULTRASEXYBEAST
shaun: i'm thinking i might go with snevar
shaun: or you'reaftermyrobotbee
mike: jenn's gonna drive
shaun: so i hear
shaun: but she might kill us
jenn: it's well worth the risk!
jenn: the camry is like a LIMO!
shaun: wait as long as Mike and I are drunk we'll survive
mike: yeah everyone else will end up impaled all over the place
jenn: yes if your body is drunk it will be loose and you will only skid across the ground
mike: or bounce!
jenn: you'll be finnnne
jenn: maybe just go *SPLOT* and come to rest, all fine-like
shaun: i hit the water instead of the road
jenn: who wants a slurpee
jenn: i want a slurpee
shaun: i want a squishee
mike: i want ice cream
mike: they called and said i could have the job, i'm supposed to call them back tomorrow or the next day and let them know
mike: so you should move to vulcan
shaun: possibly, if i can find a cool job
mike: TREK STATION
mike: you can be the captain
mike: and greet visitors
mike: and wear spock ears
shaun: i can't stress that any more NO
shaun: i want NO job in any way related to Star Trek
shaun: dude what's the population of this place?
shaun: you're kidding right?
mike: no, i told you this before
shaun: oh yeah i vaguely remember that
shaun: but i thought you were joking
shaun: gimme the website
mike: it's a small town
shaun: .....dude the town map fits in one tiny little square
mike: yeah, small
shaun: THERE"S LIKE 7 STREETS!!!!!!!!!!!
mike: no there's like 40
mike: okay there isn't many
shaun: hahah they don't have a mall
mike: they have a BURGER BARON
shaun: wtf is that
mike: i dunno
mike: it sounds funny though
shaun: i'll give you that
mike: hey i'm moving to vulcan alberta haha
ed: what are you doing there?
mike: working at the newspaper there
ed: (reads site about vulcan) oh my god.. freak town
ed: good job though
ed: so is there like a contract?
mike: well i'm assuming after the trial week
ed: thats sweet
ed: do you even like star trek?
ed: you should start a riot
mike: no i don't
ed: ill back you up
ed: me and you
ed: vs the town
ed: 1700 people? haha
ed: we can take em
ed: probably all geeks
shaun: I AM GOD
mike: i didn't say anything
mike: in case it was someone at your house signing in
mike: by accident
shaun: like FUCK YOU
shaun: hey do you know how to change the resolution?
shaun: CAUSE everything is superhuge
mike: FUCK YOU
jay: what has two thumbs and belly full of booze?
jay: THIS GUY!!!!
mike: haha nice
mike: that was me on friday
jay: me too
mike: at that party i told you about
jay: with sexy results?
mike: haha most people were gone
mike: just the close friends left
mike: dale, melissa, san
jay: SAN MAN
jay: It's peanut butter jelly time!!!
jay: What's has two thimbs and is loaded???
mike: THAT GUY
jay: this guy
jay: HAHA you rule
jay: what you up too?
mike: not much, just got home
mike: i was earlier
jay: home did you take it to the MAX
mike: no i was at melissa's
jay: Does she like waffles???
mike: oh of course
jay: I love waffles
jay: Your Belgium? Man, I can go for some Waffles!!!
(Paul = Shaun's boss.)
paul: Everything ok?
shaun: Yeah Paul, everything's good.
paul: Why no wear pants?
paul: Black pants!
shaun: Oh they're in the wash.
paul: Black pants!
shaun: Yes Paul, like I just said, they are in the WASH.
paul: What room?
paul: How rooms?
shaun: Oh uhhh, 45. (paul just nods)
paul: You make coffee?
shaun: Not yet Paul.
shaun: Porterhouse steak? (paul nods)
shaun: What are you talking about Paul?
paul: What size your neck?
shaun: My neck?! I have no idea.
paul: Why you not know?
shaun: Cause it's not the kind of information one just knows, like your weight or your height.
paul: What size neck? Medium? Large?
shaun: I DON'T KNOW!
shaun: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GUESS, I'VE NOTHING TO JUDGE OFF OF!
paul: What size? (points to Shaun's shirt)
shaun: Umm medium. (paul leaves)
dale: today in the paper there was a story about an attempted abduction
dale: there was a boy standing on the side of the road beside the lake
dale: a man pulled up to see if the boy was alright and when he found out he said "you must be hungry i have candy in my
dale: isn't that the funniest shit you have ever heard
dale: though not the whole thing but the line
dale: "you must be hungry. I have candy in my trunk"
mike: yeah that's great
dale: who wants trunk candy
dale: maybe back seat candy
dale: or even glove compartment candy
dale: but trunk candy
shaun: fuck that took a lot longer than i expected
mike: what, to sleep?
shaun: no to go get my hair dyed
shaun: 4 fucking hours
mike: yeah that's a long time
shaun: now it's time for some sleep
mike: ahh go without
shaun: i can sum up my answer using the words of the great Jenn O'Neill.."wow there's a lot of dirt over there"
mitch: have a fantastic grad, and drink 7 or 8 for me and a baker's dozen for j!
mike: will do
mitch: j says, and i quote, "congradulashons, oh, and keep a tight ass"
mike: ah just cause jay spends all his time with wide receivers
mitch: he claims to be a tight end
mike: i think he's let a few too many slip through the uprights for that to be true
mitch: he didn't get it
mike: oh well
mike: so what are you doing now?
spigs: i'm working at my third job of the summer
spigs: I just got a job at the Reynolds-Alberta Museum in Wetaskiwin
spigs: as a summer student in marketing and communications
spigs: which I lied to get, since you have to be going back to university in the fall, and I, quite obviously to you and me,
am doing no such thing
spigs: look at all those comma splices in that sentence!
shaun: what's up
mike: registering another domain name, what should i choose?
shaun: man i'm fucked
mike: drunk fucked?
mike: or in trouble fucked?
shaun: no no a little drunk fucked and a little tokey tokey fucked
shaun: domain name? for what
mike: what would you suggest?
mike: awwcrap.com is available
shaun: trhat's awesome
shaun: captain planet
shaun: captain plabnted
jenn: k night mike!
jenn: have fun
jenn: don't disappear
jenn: or get blown away
jenn: or infected with mail
jenn: or crushed by a flying enterprise
mike: that would SUCK
jenn: what a way to go
jenn: it would amost be a personal insult
jenn: wow, my mom just started FREAKING OUT about a venetian blind
jenn: "why is this blind ALWAYS UP"
jenn: "because it's sunny during the day"
jenn: "well it doesn't come down on it's OWN and I don't see anyone ELSE putting it down ever"
jenn: "oh my God, you are freaking out about a blind mom"
jenn: "well it is to STAY DOWN FROM NOW ON"
jenn: yeah funny except she was seriously pissed off
jenn: man i gotta get out of here
jenn: jay was telling me to go to van and work at the cactus club
jenn: i should do it
jenn: i told him i'd spill food all over innocent customers
mike: you could come to vulcan and be an administrative secretary for the town
jenn: for the whole town
jenn: how much does it pay
mike: um it doesn't say, in the ad
jenn: ever notice when you are hungry and you decide to be good to yourself and eat fruit... no matter how much fruit you eat
you are still hungry
jenn: damn fruit
jenn: damn ad
jenn: damn vulcan
jenn: damn cactus club
jenn: damn venetian blinds
jenn: i want senior froggys
jenn: my dad says "tell him to sleep with one eye open"
mike: who, me?
jenn: ok i'll elaborate
jenn: haha i just wanted to see your reaction
jenn: he said "who you typin at"
jenn: "MIKE INK?!"
jenn: "yes dad."
jenn: "had he got taken away by a tornado yet?"
jenn: "no dad. not yet."
jenn: and then he said "not yet hey?! tell him to sleep with one eye open!"
jenn: my dad is slightly mentally deprived
jenn: jennifer is not available
jenn: that would be really cool
jenn: hey jennifer.o is avail!
jenn: and jennifero
jenn: for some reason that does not sound like me at ALL
jenn: i like it
jenn: when you say it, it sounds just like "jennifer o" and i am jenn with a fro
mike: GET THE TOYOTA
mike: omg that's awesome
mike: it's got less km than the probe
mike: and a cd player
shaun: it's also a car I"VE NEVER HEARD OF, and 10 years older
mike: so what
mike: it looks rad
mike: get it get it get it
shaun: i might
mike: the fact it's rare is even cooler
mike: you'd have a distinct car!
mike: hold on
shaun: lol what
mike: i was going to say it's a combination of sporty and squished
mike: and then i remembered
mike: INSPECTOR GADGET CAR
shaun: you're right
shaun: man that's fucking awesome
shaun: man that whole gadget thing just might sell me
mike: imagine if you repainted it gadget colors
mike: and red and blue
shaun: i'm not a big fan of the red
shaun: i'd prefer a silver color
mike: ah well paint it silver then
mike: WITH BLUE FLAMES
shaun: you're a fool you know that right?
jenn: did i tell you about the dispatch?
jenn: i had an interview a few hours after convergys
jenn: i PASSED the yping test!
jenn: typing test
jenn: how ironic.
jenn: before the test i was practicing at home and i was only getting like 33 wpm
jenn: and i was freaking out and feeling like i suck ass
jenn: but its cuz i was typing off a bamfield letter that was full of big words and abbreviations
jenn: i hate you.
jenn: PURE HATE
jenn: so i get an email the other day
jenn: and it's from shaun's old email address
jenn: and it sais "hi my name is sean meijer.. how did you get my email who are you blah blah" all nice like
jenn: and then just yesterday
jenn: this person signs on
jenn: with the name
jenn: and he's like "hello, howd you get my email?
jenn: and i was like whoaaa
jenn: cuz i'd replied to the email with "sure thing shaun"
jenn: but i didn't want to be like "shutup shaun
jenn: and offend him if it's someone else
jenn: so i'm like "ok i'm confused
jenn: and i asked how long he'd had the email and he said 2 months
jenn: and i said "wierd it's the old email of my friend shaun"
jenn: and he's like "that is another way of spelling my name."
jenn: i was like uhhh
jenn: so i said "no shit!"
jenn: and he went quiet
jenn: and then i went BWOMP BWOMP
jenn: and there was no response
jenn: and then it's like he didn't even see it. he was like "what country are you from?"
jenn: so i told him scandanavia
heather: Let's go to Darby's Pub.
bruce: Oh sure, we'll walk up there and nobody will come up with us and we'll be like "Oh they got us with the ol' 'let's go
to Darby's Pub gag' and then instead of going in the pub we'll go to John's knife shop and pick up a couple of big knives and
come back here and say 'hi here are some knives, it's a peace offering for your little trick. No hard feelings.' Then after
they have the big knives maybe they won't try and trick us again.
mike: wow lotsa work
mike: well good luck then
jenn: but the good thing is, 7 hours is a full work day
jenn: hooray for overtime
jenn: thanks for the luck
jenn: 140 loaves white bread
jenn: that was kinda random
bruce: You know what I want to do right now? I want to go over to that D.J, Russ or whatever his name is, and go to shake his
hand and say 'Nice job, way to download songs off the internet for a living' and then when he's expecting the hand shake I'll
stick a chloroform rag in his face, drag his body under the table and then take over the music and play nothing but New Kids
on the Block and line dancing songs.
mark: How many people work there (in total)
mike: production, publisher, front desk, reporter, editor, sales
mike: so six
mark: Wow, we have like 25 at our shop
mark: And I got them all free Burger King last week
mike: how'd you do that?
mark: Some soccer team was sponsored by BK, so I let the owner run his own cut line for $150 or 40 Sourdough Chickens
mark: Went over really well
mike: ahh sweet
mark: I rule!
mike: do you have your own office or something like that?
mark: No, we just have five desks set up in a square with an extra on the side
mark: right now I get to use three computers
mark: Once again, I rule!
mike: i have an office corner
mark: With a window?
mike: nah no windows
mark: the building is like 32,000 years old
mark: We put our production people way in the back, and I shut down their computers today
mike: good job
mark: Yeah, I kicked the power bar
mark: apparently there's a reset button there or something
mark: Who knew?
mark: Stupid production people anyway
mark: Hopefully they still remember the BK