"greatest" - apr. 15/04

nick: our blogs are probably the greatest thing on the internet next to free porn and that star wars light sabre kid
"horrendously ugly" - apr. 17/04

dale: Somedays I wake up and say to myself, thank god i wasn't born horrendously ugly.
"horn" - apr. 19/04

shaun: anybody winning yet?
mike: nope
shaun: i see
shaun: if you honk my horn one more time i'll break you
mike: lol
mike: I will BREAK YOU
mike: says arnold
"english" - apr. 19/04

jay: I'm Home
mike: okay
jay: I'm Loaded
jay: stupid work
jay: bvlagh
mike: why are you loaded if you're just back from work
jay: We had beersw
jay: andnowi'm havinbg chips. I htink they are Mitchs
mike: nice
jay: What are you up too? Last I herad you were cpssonmg a birdge
mike: crossing a bridge huh
mike: i'm just finished watching hockey and now i'm reading for english
jay: eniglishg?
jay: I tok that once
jay: not to welll by the ,llooks of it
"gmail suggestions" - apr. 20/04

mike: what gmail name should i try to get
mike: list some words, either funny or just good, that i should try to get
jay: mike
jay: duck
jay: goose
jay: sheep
jay: hotdog
jay: axe
jay: hammer
jay: hammerman
jay: magicalshoes
mike: hahaha
"terrible" - apr. 20/04

dayna: I thought he was a terrorist.
nick: Seriously, that's the first thing you thought of when you met him?
dayna: I'm a terrible person.
"beans" - apr. 21/04

dale: i have a new song
dale: instead of "beans beans the magical fruit. the more you eat the more you toot
dale: the more you toot the better you feel so it's beans beans for every meal"
dale: the song will now be "beans beans i ate too many and shit my pants"
dale: i don't know why but it is the funniest thing
mike: yeah okay
"any other day" - apr. 23/04

reimer: If this was any other day, I'd be drunk right now!
"two-way street" - apr. 23/04

mike: Friendship is a two-way street, until you find that girl crying and lying in the middle of the road and the guy standing over her yelling for people to go around.
"more gmail suggestions" - apr. 24/04

shaun: hey i got a gmail invite too
shaun: i just want to think of a good name first
mike: go with vico
mike: or TROGDOR
shaun: no no
mike: lol
mike: MANGLER@gmail.com
shaun: toodamntall
shaun: i'm thinking i might go with snevar
shaun: or you'reaftermyrobotbee
"hand signals" - apr. 25/04

(driving, biker in front of us throws out her hand weird)
mike: I don't know what that means!
biker: (swerves in front of car, almost gets hit) FUCK!!
shaun: Hi!
"drive herself" - apr. 25/04

mike: tell her to drive herself then
shaun: she doesn't have a car dude
mike: i know
mike: that's the point
shaun: i should
shaun: drive yourself....TO HELL
"money" - apr. 25/04

bill: You in?
mike: yep yep
bill: I've got some money for you
mike: thats what i like to hear
bill: and I leave early in the am
mike: don't like to hear that quite as much
"choices" - apr. 25/04

shaun: If I had 4 grand I would totally buy that jeep.
mike: If I had 6 grand for legal affairs I would totally run that guy over.
"the risk" - apr. 25/04

mike: jenn's gonna drive
shaun: so i hear
shaun: but she might kill us
jenn: it's well worth the risk!
jenn: the camry is like a LIMO!
shaun: wait as long as Mike and I are drunk we'll survive
mike: yeah everyone else will end up impaled all over the place
jenn: yes if your body is drunk it will be loose and you will only skid across the ground
mike: or bounce!
jenn: you'll be finnnne
jenn: yeah!
jenn: maybe just go *SPLOT* and come to rest, all fine-like
mike: SPLOT
jenn: SPLOT
shaun: Sploosh
shaun: i hit the water instead of the road
jenn: who wants a slurpee
jenn: i want a slurpee
shaun: i want a squishee
mike: i want ice cream
"chainsaws" - apr. 26/04

dale: man chainsaws are soooooo fucking cool
dale: my ninja name is ded lee ninja
dale: or chainsaw ninja
"vulcan" - apr. 27/04

mike: they called and said i could have the job, i'm supposed to call them back tomorrow or the next day and let them know
mike: so you should move to vulcan
shaun: possibly, if i can find a cool job
mike: you can be the captain
mike: and greet visitors
mike: and wear spock ears
shaun: ....no
shaun: i can't stress that any more NO
shaun: i want NO job in any way related to Star Trek
shaun: dude what's the population of this place?
mike: 1700
shaun: you're kidding right?
mike: no, i told you this before
shaun: oh yeah i vaguely remember that
shaun: but i thought you were joking
shaun: gimme the website
mike: it's a small town
shaun: .....dude the town map fits in one tiny little square
mike: yeah, small
shaun: THERE"S LIKE 7 STREETS!!!!!!!!!!!
mike: no there's like 40
mike: wait
mike: okay there isn't many
shaun: hahah they don't have a mall
mike: they have a BURGER BARON
shaun: wtf is that
mike: i dunno
mike: it sounds funny though
shaun: i'll give you that
"jesus" - apr. 28/04

dustin: I'd probably be the only guy going to that movie to see Jesus strung up.
dustin: I'd be like 'Jeeeeeeessssuuuuuss! Jeeeeeeeessssuuuusssss!'
"three ninjas" - apr. 29/04

bucholtz: There were four 3 Ninjas.
"big fire" - may 1/04

sean: You know what's great about our group of friends? We can just sit around doing absolutely nothing, and then all of a sudden we've got a big fire going and it kicks ass.
"vulcan, part 2" - may 2/04

mike: hey i'm moving to vulcan alberta haha
ed: what are you doing there?
mike: working at the newspaper there
ed: (reads site about vulcan) oh my god.. freak town
mike: haha
ed: good job though
ed: congrates
ed: so is there like a contract?
mike: well i'm assuming after the trial week
ed: thats sweet
ed: do you even like star trek?
ed: you should start a riot
ed: haha
mike: haha
mike: no i don't
ed: sweet
ed: ill back you up
ed: me and you
ed: vs the town
ed: 1700 people? haha
ed: we can take em
ed: probably all geeks
"peanut butter jelly time" - may 13/04

jay: whats up?
jay: IT's peanut butter jelly time
"resolution" - may 14/04

shaun: I AM GOD
mike: NICE
mike: i didn't say anything
mike: in case it was someone at your house signing in
mike: by accident
shaun: haha
shaun: like FUCK YOU
shaun: hey do you know how to change the resolution?
shaun: CAUSE everything is superhuge
mike: FUCK YOU
"messing" - may 14/04

shaun: i'm just messing
jenn: messer
jenn: messy messer messing messily
shaun: stop that
jenn: stop stopily stopping stoptastically
"clean house" - may 15/04

rob: Every three to six months I come back here with a big box and just clean house. Last time we found Jimmy Hoffa.
"this guy" - may 16/04

jay: what has two thumbs and belly full of booze?
mike: jay?
jay: THIS GUY!!!!
mike: haha nice
mike: that was me on friday
jay: me too
mike: at that party i told you about
jay: with sexy results?
mike: haha most people were gone
mike: just the close friends left
mike: dale, melissa, san
jay: haha
jay: SAN MAN
jay: It's peanut butter jelly time!!!
"math" - may 16/04

ian: Hey Nick, guess how many beers I've had? I had seven, then four...and seven and four is 62...so I've had 74 beers.
"that guy" - may 19/04

jay: What's has two thimbs and is loaded???
mike: you!!
mike: THAT GUY
jay: this guy
jay: HAHA you rule
jay: what you up too?
mike: not much, just got home
mike: i was earlier
jay: home did you take it to the MAX
jay: Waffles
mike: no i was at melissa's
jay: Does she like waffles???
mike: oh of course
jay: I love waffles
jay: Your Belgium? Man, I can go for some Waffles!!!
"bamfield" - may 21/04

jenn: oy
mike: hey jenn!
jenn: i just sent my confirmation for bamfield
jenn: hallo
jenn: god i HATE that
"carnies" - may 22/04

chris g: Carnies get me every time!!
"scotty" - may 28/04

ian: Beer me up Scotty!
"porterhouse" - may 28/04

(Paul = Shaun's boss.)
paul: Everything ok?
shaun: Yeah Paul, everything's good.
paul: Why no wear pants?
shaun: Huh?
paul: Black pants!
shaun: Oh they're in the wash.
paul: Black pants!
shaun: Yes Paul, like I just said, they are in the WASH.
paul: What room?
shaun: What!?
paul: How rooms?
shaun: Oh uhhh, 45.
(paul just nods)
paul: You make coffee?
shaun: Not yet Paul.
paul: Porterhouse...
shaun: Huh?
paul: Porterhouse.
shaun: Porterhouse steak?
(paul nods)
shaun: What are you talking about Paul?
paul: What size your neck?
shaun: My neck?! I have no idea.
paul: Why you not know?
shaun: Cause it's not the kind of information one just knows, like your weight or your height.
paul: What size neck? Medium? Large?
shaun: I DON'T KNOW!
paul: Guess.
paul: What size? (points to Shaun's shirt)
shaun: Umm medium.
(paul leaves)
"crazy" - june 8/04

kari: My computer's gone crazy!
catherine: You've gone crazy!
kari: YOU'VE gone crazy!
catherine: YOU'VE GONE CRAZY!!!
"trunk candy" - june 9/04

dale: today in the paper there was a story about an attempted abduction
dale: there was a boy standing on the side of the road beside the lake
dale: a man pulled up to see if the boy was alright and when he found out he said "you must be hungry i have candy in my trunk"
dale: isn't that the funniest shit you have ever heard
dale: though not the whole thing but the line
dale: "you must be hungry. I have candy in my trunk"
mike: haha
mike: yeah that's great
dale: who wants trunk candy
dale: maybe back seat candy
dale: or even glove compartment candy
dale: but trunk candy
"hair dyed" - june 10/04

shaun: fuck that took a lot longer than i expected
mike: what, to sleep?
shaun: no to go get my hair dyed
shaun: 4 fucking hours
mike: yeah that's a long time
shaun: now it's time for some sleep
mike: ahh go without
shaun: i can sum up my answer using the words of the great Jenn O'Neill.."wow there's a lot of dirt over there"
"grad celebration" - june 10/04

mitch: have a fantastic grad, and drink 7 or 8 for me and a baker's dozen for j!
mike: haha
mike: will do
mitch: j says, and i quote, "congradulashons, oh, and keep a tight ass"
mike: ah just cause jay spends all his time with wide receivers
mitch: he claims to be a tight end
mike: i think he's let a few too many slip through the uprights for that to be true
mitch: he didn't get it
mike: oh well
"eating" - june 11/04

mike: just gonna eat, then i'll call you, ok?
shaun: k i'm just eating myself
mike: sounds pretty painful
"waffle" - june 12/04

jay: If you were a waffle I would eat you
"instructions" - june 12/04

lorne: The bottle has instructions.
nick: My kind of instructions are 1) open bottle and 2) drink heavily.
"comma splices" - june 13/04

mike: so what are you doing now?
spigs: i'm working at my third job of the summer
spigs: I just got a job at the Reynolds-Alberta Museum in Wetaskiwin
spigs: as a summer student in marketing and communications
spigs: which I lied to get, since you have to be going back to university in the fall, and I, quite obviously to you and me, am doing no such thing
spigs: look at all those comma splices in that sentence!
"domain name" - june 13/04

shaun: what's up
mike: registering another domain name, what should i choose?
shaun: man i'm fucked
mike: drunk fucked?
mike: or in trouble fucked?
shaun: no no a little drunk fucked and a little tokey tokey fucked
shaun: domain name? for what
mike: website
mike: what would you suggest?
shaun: kissmyass.com
shaun: or
shaun: i'mfucked.com
shaun: or
shaun: welostcam.com
shaun: or
shaun: howthehelldidigethome.com
shaun: or
shaun: awwwwcrap
shaun: .com
mike: hahaha
shaun: screwunick.com
mike: awwcrap.com is available
shaun: hahaha
shaun: trhat's awesome
shaun: vulcanized
shaun: captain planet
shaun: captain plabnted
shaun: you'reaftermyrobotbee
shaun: throbulator
shaun: heyheyheygetouttatheway
shaun: iamkroaker
shaun: iam100fttall
"personal insult" - june 16/04

jenn: k night mike!
jenn: have fun
jenn: and
jenn: don't disappear
jenn: or get blown away
jenn: or infected with mail
jenn: or crushed by a flying enterprise
mike: that would SUCK
jenn: hahah
jenn: what a way to go
jenn: it would amost be a personal insult
"venetian blind" - june 17/04

jenn: wow, my mom just started FREAKING OUT about a venetian blind
jenn: "why is this blind ALWAYS UP"
jenn: "because it's sunny during the day"
jenn: "well it doesn't come down on it's OWN and I don't see anyone ELSE putting it down ever"
jenn: "oh my God, you are freaking out about a blind mom"
mike: haha
jenn: "well it is to STAY DOWN FROM NOW ON"
jenn: yeah funny except she was seriously pissed off
jenn: man i gotta get out of here
jenn: jay was telling me to go to van and work at the cactus club
jenn: i should do it
jenn: i told him i'd spill food all over innocent customers
mike: you could come to vulcan and be an administrative secretary for the town
jenn: for the whole town
jenn: lol
jenn: how much does it pay
mike: um it doesn't say, in the ad
jenn: ever notice when you are hungry and you decide to be good to yourself and eat fruit... no matter how much fruit you eat you are still hungry
jenn: damn fruit
jenn: damn ad
jenn: damn vulcan
jenn: damn cactus club
jenn: damn venetian blinds
jenn: i want senior froggys
"one eye open" - june 17/04

jenn: my dad says "tell him to sleep with one eye open"
mike: what?
mike: who, me?
jenn: haha
jenn: yeah
jenn: hahaha
jenn: ok i'll elaborate
jenn: haha i just wanted to see your reaction
jenn: he said "who you typin at"
jenn: "mike"
jenn: "MIKE INK?!"
jenn: "yes dad."
jenn: "had he got taken away by a tornado yet?"
jenn: "no dad. not yet."
jenn: and then he said "not yet hey?! tell him to sleep with one eye open!"
mike: okay...
jenn: yeah...
jenn: my dad is slightly mentally deprived
"jennfro" - june 18/04

jenn: jennifer is not available
jenn: that would be really cool
jenn: hey jennifer.o is avail!
jenn: and jennifero
jenn: jennyo
jenn: lol
jenn: jennifer.o
jenn: for some reason that does not sound like me at ALL
jenn: jennfro
jenn: lol
jenn: i like it
jenn: when you say it, it sounds just like "jennifer o" and i am jenn with a fro
"burned" - june 18/04

mike: i burned myself today
jenn: you wha
jenn: how
mike: on soup
mike: MICROWAVE soup
jenn: i mean thats terrible are you ok
"crazy people" - june 18/04

nigel: Did that scare you?
dale: No.
nigel: You must have nerves of steel.
dale: Yeah I think it is because I am usually surrounded by crazy people.
"gadgetmobile" - june 24/04

mike: omg that's awesome
mike: it's got less km than the probe
mike: and a cd player
shaun: it's also a car I"VE NEVER HEARD OF, and 10 years older
mike: haha
mike: so what
mike: it looks rad
mike: get it get it get it
shaun: i might
mike: the fact it's rare is even cooler
mike: you'd have a distinct car!
mike: OMG
mike: hold on
shaun: lol what
mike: well
mike: i was going to say it's a combination of sporty and squished
mike: and then i remembered
shaun: WHOA
shaun: you're right
shaun: hahahaha
shaun: man that's fucking awesome
shaun: man that whole gadget thing just might sell me
mike: imagine if you repainted it gadget colors
shaun: silver
mike: and red and blue
shaun: i'm not a big fan of the red
shaun: i'd prefer a silver color
mike: ah well paint it silver then
shaun: lol
shaun: you're a fool you know that right?
"typing test" - june 24/04

jenn: did i tell you about the dispatch?
mike: no!
jenn: i had an interview a few hours after convergys
jenn: and
jenn: and
jenn: i PASSED the yping test!
jenn: yaaaay
jenn: er
jenn: typing test
mike: lol
jenn: how ironic.
jenn: before the test i was practicing at home and i was only getting like 33 wpm
jenn: and i was freaking out and feeling like i suck ass
jenn: but its cuz i was typing off a bamfield letter that was full of big words and abbreviations
mike: ah
jenn: i hate you.
"identity-test" - june 24/04

jenn: so i get an email the other day
jenn: and it's from shaun's old email address
jenn: and it sais "hi my name is sean meijer.. how did you get my email who are you blah blah" all nice like
jenn: and then just yesterday
jenn: this person signs on
jenn: with the name
jenn: SEAN
mike: ok
jenn: and he's like "hello, howd you get my email?
jenn: and i was like whoaaa
jenn: cuz i'd replied to the email with "sure thing shaun"
jenn: but i didn't want to be like "shutup shaun
jenn: and offend him if it's someone else
jenn: so i'm like "ok i'm confused
jenn: and i asked how long he'd had the email and he said 2 months
jenn: and i said "wierd it's the old email of my friend shaun"
jenn: and he's like "that is another way of spelling my name."
jenn: "sean"
jenn: i was like uhhh
jenn: lol
jenn: so i said "no shit!"
jenn: and he went quiet
jenn: hahah
jenn: and then i went BWOMP BWOMP
jenn: hahahha
jenn: and there was no response
jenn: hahhaha
jenn: and then it's like he didn't even see it. he was like "what country are you from?"
jenn: so i told him scandanavia
"knives" - june 25/04

heather: Let's go to Darby's Pub.
bruce: Oh sure, we'll walk up there and nobody will come up with us and we'll be like "Oh they got us with the ol' 'let's go to Darby's Pub gag' and then instead of going in the pub we'll go to John's knife shop and pick up a couple of big knives and come back here and say 'hi here are some knives, it's a peace offering for your little trick. No hard feelings.' Then after they have the big knives maybe they won't try and trick us again.
"kinda random" - june 27/04

mike: wow lotsa work
jenn: yeah
jenn: oyvay
mike: well good luck then
jenn: but the good thing is, 7 hours is a full work day
jenn: hooray for overtime
jenn: thanks for the luck
mike: nice
jenn: 140 loaves white bread
jenn: lol
jenn: that was kinda random
"bruce talks music" - june 27/04

bruce: You know what I want to do right now? I want to go over to that D.J, Russ or whatever his name is, and go to shake his hand and say 'Nice job, way to download songs off the internet for a living' and then when he's expecting the hand shake I'll stick a chloroform rag in his face, drag his body under the table and then take over the music and play nothing but New Kids on the Block and line dancing songs.
"mark's office" - june 30/04

mark: How many people work there (in total)
mike: production, publisher, front desk, reporter, editor, sales
mike: so six
mark: Wow, we have like 25 at our shop
mark: And I got them all free Burger King last week
mike: nice
mike: how'd you do that?
mark: Some soccer team was sponsored by BK, so I let the owner run his own cut line for $150 or 40 Sourdough Chickens
mark: Went over really well
mike: ahh sweet
mark: yeah
mark: I rule!
mike: do you have your own office or something like that?
mark: No, we just have five desks set up in a square with an extra on the side
mark: right now I get to use three computers
mark: Once again, I rule!
mike: i have an office corner
mark: Sweet
mark: With a window?
mike: nah no windows
mark: the building is like 32,000 years old
mark: We put our production people way in the back, and I shut down their computers today
mark: OOPS
mike: good job
mark: Yeah, I kicked the power bar
mark: apparently there's a reset button there or something
mark: Who knew?
mark: Stupid production people anyway
mark: Hopefully they still remember the BK


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