shaun: hey what time you gonna be at the lab till?
mike: not sure
shaun: WRONG ANSWER
mike: HAM is not a time.
mike: i am sorry.
mike: HAM is a place on Saturdays.
shaun: Ham is a place on saturdays?
shaun: good to know
shaun: so where are you right now?
jay: hey, you played ff11 yet?
mike: nope not yet
jay: i want to learn more about it
mike: yeah it looks interesting
jay: it just came out on the 23rd
jay: so I think i just may get it soon.
mike: hmm i may have to get it also then
jay: yes, and we can start our own party. Get more people too. Then we will have a huge party
jay: we will have a whole team. GO TEAM DOOM
mike: ry says he might not cause of the monthly fee
jay: their is a fee
mike: its a monthly connection/account fee
jay: realy? Do you have to have it to play?
mike: i think so yeah
jay: realy? That's fucking dumb
jay: I'm not paying extra
jay: ass fucks, all I wanna do is play for fun
jay: they can go to hell and die
mike: are you working on case studies right now
dale: 1400 words
dale: i have to do it becuase i work tomorow
mike: ah, gotcha
dale: yeah it sucks the balls off a donkey through ten feet of hose
dale: alright this is seriously the tightest thing i have ever written for allan
dale: if he gives me lower then a b i will piss on his face
daniel So me and reb go to Metrotown because we really want Taco Bell and Pizza Hut like they have in the movie theatre there
daniel and we're sitting at the table and this HUGE line starts forming at the door marked "the passion of the christ 12.30" or whatever
daniel and we're sitting and eating watching this fucking HUGE line
daniel and it's a sunday so we're like, wow, they must be a church group or something
daniel and we're watching line grow and grow and the people all look really excited
daniel and we were like, they must get some sort of deal, you know, because it costs so much to get in
daniel but they were all total white trash
daniel like a lot had mullets and were wearing like wrestling tshirts
daniel and there were some real fatty ones
daniel so it was cool
dale: can i put that in my blog
daniel and then they started loading up the food carts and handing out pop and popcorn and everything
daniel I'M NOT DONE
dale: go on
daniel sooo we're like what the hell? they were all holding some sort of little leaflets
daniel And by now the line was well beyond the entrance of the theatre and snaked all the way dnwn the stairs and outside, like a couple hundred people
daniel we were really impressed
daniel you know, lots of good people want to see this movie
daniel wow, you know?
daniel so we finished eating and looked up, and the sign had changed from "The Passion" to WWF Wrestlemania LIVE!!
daniel all those people were actualy in line for wrestling it was soo funny
shaun: SO HOW YOU FEELING AFTER THAT LATE MEAL?
mike: fine, full
shaun: WRONG ANSWER
mike: lol dammit
mike: i thought it was tuesday
mike: so i didn't think it applied still
shaun: NOT QUITE
shaun: WHAT WOULD YOUR COVERT NINJA SPY NAME BE?
shaun: SCRATCH THAT
shaun: MINE WOULD BE 'SLOW WOMBAT'
shaun: jenn is confused
mike: jenn says you are the one who is confused
shaun: in the middle of our conversation that was becoming too normal, i shouted out, I HOPE MIKE FAILS
shaun: lol i have no idea
what i was talking about, just the conversation wasn't funny enough
shaun: man i'm in a weird mood tonight, i don't even think it's
that funny now that i think of it
shaun: SO WHAT'S UP
shaun: DID YOU FINISH THE PAPP?
shaun: HOW WAS IT
shaun: HOW GOOD
shaun: ON A METER OF SUCK TO 10 WHAT WAS IT
shaun: THAT'S PRETTY PRESUMPTIOUS
shaun: LOOK AT ME AND MY BIG WORDS
mike: on a scale of suck to 10 it was HAM
mike: on tuesdays Ham is absolute rulingness
shaun: i should open up a record store
mike: i agree
shaun: i'll call it... HAM!
shaun: HAM(extremely awesome store)
mike: it'd have to be HAM Store then
mike: aka AWESOME Store
mike: nah actually
mike: AWESOME would be a great store name
mike: therefore so would HAM
shaun: that would be a good store name
shaun: odd but good
shaun: "hey, wanna run down to Awesome?"
mike: let's call it Awesome Ham
shaun: it will be a record store/deli
mike: DUDE HAMTASTIC
shaun: DUDE HAMTASTIC it is
shaun: "hey, wanna run down to Dude Hamtastic?"
shaun: of course because last night was good, tonight is gonna suck
shaun: i've been on for 15min and it sucks already
shaun: do you remember those guys who were giving me booze?
shaun: well there was one guy in particular that just won't leave you the fuck alone when you're at front desk
shaun: and he's a fuckin alcoholic, so he's always drunk..which depending on the person is funny, but he's not, anyways, Yvonne(the new smelly lady) gave him a fuckin room without accepting payment!!!
shaun: because he said it was direct bill and she said she didn't know what to do, so she just left it, and we only do DB for
shaun: and his isn't one of them
shaun: so now i have to get him to pay a different way or kick him out
shaun: and the guy is a fucktard
shaun: an alcoholic lonely fucktard
shaun: k fuck i'm not dealing with this
shaun: it's yvonne's problem
shaun: and Paul's
shaun: order pizza
shaun: dude we need to think of a meaning for Ham! today
shaun: it's wednesday
mike: how about hungry
mike: in honor of the wings
shaun: nah i don't think that will work
shaun: it's too much like the state of mind
mike: yeah ok
mike: any ideas?
shaun: what do we have so far?
mike: sat = place, sun = person (nick), mon = state of being, tues = extreme awesomeness
shaun: ok i got it for today
shaun: in honor of the wings and other such things
shaun: HAM! will be anything UNBELIEVABLY HOT!!!!
mike: but hot how
mike: hot like spicy hot?
mike: hot like heat hot?
mike: hot like girl hot?
shaun: anything to do with HOT
mike: guess what i am listening to
shaun: hot hot heat
mike: HAM HAM HEAT
shaun: no it would be ham ham ham
mike: any form of the words hot and heat huh
shaun: hmm i'm not sure
shaun: i just wanted to say
shaun: hot hot hot
shaun: i mean
shaun: ham ham ham
mike: dale had this list posted on his site (he does these lists for fun)
mike: and this was what it was:
mike: top six list - you know a religion is fucked when 1. Passion of christ 2. Passion of christ 3. Passion of christ 4. Passion of christ 5. Passion of christ 6. Passion of christ
mike: but he CHANGED IT
mike: TO SAY
mike: top six list - you know a religion is fucked when 1. Passion of christ 2. Passion of christ 3. Ham 4. Passion of christ 5. Passion of christ 6. Passion of christ
shaun: I RULE
shaun: WE RULE
mike: QUICK WHAT IS HAM FOR THURSDAY
mike: we only have four minutes before it's friday!
shaun: oh shit
mike: something about today
shaun: all i did today was SLEEP
shaun: I GOT IT
shaun: HAM becomes a new cuss word on thurs
shaun: AHHHHHH HAM!
mike: ham = cursing
mike: "that test was HAM!"
shaun: GOD HAM CUSTOMERS
shaun: should Ham on fridays refer to us?
shaun: or is that too bland
mike: use it in a sentence
shaun: Hey Ham what's up
mike: nah keep going
shaun: ?? keep going on what?
mike: on other suggestions
shaun: got ya
shaun: but first!!! i have to restart my computer
shaun: i hate this computer
shaun: it's a HAMTARD
mike: no man
mike: that's yesterday
shaun: shit you're right
shaun: k well it's a fucktard then
shaun: so we have sat: place sun: Nick mon: state of mind tues: extreme awesomeness wed: HOT! thurs: Swearing fri:
mike: thurs - extreme sucktitude
shaun: we already HAVE THURS!!!!
mike: i know, i was just redefining it
mike: not just swearing
shaun: ok extreme suckitude it is
shaun: but we're getting off track again
mike: yes friday
shaun: ON FRIDAYS' Ham should stand for everything, all the days combined
mike: but how would you POSSIBLY use that
shaun: lol you can't
shaun: i'm grasping at straws here man
shaun: Jenn wants to see Adaptation, i believe it's our duty to make sure she doesn't, ready? (jenn is added to conversation)
mike: DO NOT SEE ADAPTAPTION
shaun: DO NOT SEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
jenn: I AM GOING TO
jenn: TO YOO
shaun: it is THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN
jenn: YOU ARE THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN
jenn: I dunn wanna talk about dispersal of the splash-pool copepod Tigriopus californicus
shaun: mike would you say that adaptation was even worse than labyrinth
mike: more like SUCKDAPTATION
jenn: it's BORING
mike: yeah know what else is boring
jenn: more like shudupdaptaion
jenn: ok i've seen it
jenn: i hated it
jenn: i was just messing
jenn: i'm hungry
shaun: shut up you lie
jenn: look can you just beleuive me?
jenn: i AM hungry!
shaun: YOU LIE LIKE A FAT KID ON A DIET
jenn: that makes absolutely NO sense
jenn: ok maybe a little sense
mike: you lie like shaun! after he's gone out, and climbed up on a big tree and waved his arms, and then fell out and
screamed and hit the ground with a big thud and knocked himself unconscious and is just lying there YEAH like THAT
shaun: but I DO know that Adaptation on a scale of HAM to 10 on thursdays, is HAM-a trillion
jenn: that reminds me, i have bad ham in my fridge
jenn: BAD HAM
mike: ham is not BAD
mike: well on thursdays yes
mike: but otherwise NO
shaun: and on tuesdays HAM IS THE SHIT
shaun: however on wednesdays you might burn yourself with HAM!
mike: you might burn yourself on something that is HAM
shaun: shit right
shaun: i wonder how HAM! on sundays is doing?
mike: probably bored
shaun: yeah HAM! on saturdays where he lives is pretty boring
mike: Ham on saturdays where Ham on sunday lives is pretty boring
shaun: Ham on saturdays where Ham on sunday lives is pretty Ham on Mondays
jenn: i never thought i'd say this
jenn: but you guys are crazy
jenn: because ham on sundays is most likely ham on tuedays regardless of ham on saturday and whether i know him personally or
shaun: you're crazy jenn
jenn: thank you
jenn: copepods do that to me
mike: i will say that ham on sundays is always ham on mondays about his life in ham on saturdays, because it is always non-ham on wednesdays and he thinks it ham on thursdays
shaun: excellent one MAN
jenn: wayda ham it up
shaun: so yea
shaun: what about Ham= something really funny
mike: one of our jokes
mike: can i go in the HAM? but it's HAM... kkkkkkkkkkkHAM
mike: haha no
shaun: that's not what i had meant in the first place but that was HAM!
shaun: ooh i like it
shaun: it should be for any word that means drunk, IE smashed, tanked hammered
mike: lol HAMmered
mike: man you were HAMMED
(asked to write something for a birthday card for nick)
lorne: I first met Nick in the alley behind seven eleven. Jesus and I were debating how the Integration of solar power would
affect the economy in Icelan.Just then Nick raced in driving his Benz. He rolled down the window and said to jesus, "you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly." In defence of my buddy jesus I challenged Nick to a drinking contest. We both shotgunned a flat of beer and then went
looking for caveman hookers.We had to leave jesus behind because of his high moral standards, but that just meant more hookers for us.
jenn: i was telling dan about this and he decided to show me this HUUUUUUUUUUUGE box of lindor chocs his mom had sent him for
jenn: it was seriously like the size of an record album across the top
jenn: that made me INSTANTLY think of the time in september that i was sooo hungry and hadn't got much food here yet and was
afraid to go out and get some and wake people up
jenn: and YOU
jenn: brought out that huge FULL pan of brownies!
jenn: and started eating them OUT OF THE PAN IN FRONT OF ME
jenn: so i had to tell that story
jenn: It seems you are in a kinder mood today lol
shaun: there's this fucking plant in our lobby that keeps freakin the shit outta me
shaun: it's just a potted plant with a bow in the leaves, and it's pot is wrapped in some sorta shiny colored paper, bright
shaun: so the problem is this, i walk out from around the cornor and all i see is the bow and the plastic
shaun: and i instantly think, WHY THE HELL IS THAT SMALL CHILD IN HERE!!
shaun: cause the paper looks like a dress, and the bow in "the hair"
shaun: i know but it's scary as hell the 6th time through
shaun: cause i forget it's there
shaun: the child i mean
shaun: the engster
shaun: IS NOT IN AT THE MOMENT, IF YOU'D LIKE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP...
shaun: *BEEP*...hey mike what's up, give me a shout when you're not busy, i'll be
at work all night, later man. *click*
mike: hey i stopped by your place and grabbed the nets
spigs: you didn't steal anything else, did you?
mike: just hunter's car
spigs: whew, that's good
spigs: just as long as it wasn't anything of mine
mike: took it off-roading
mike: but it's back now
mike: most of it
mike: some of it
mike: ok small parts of it
jay: I am visualizing right now
jay: My eyes are closed
jay: T and A. And my favorite the big V
jenn: what are you visualizing
jay: you, me and a bucket of jello puddding. And now bill cosby. I love pudding
jay: Hay Hay Hay
shaun: i've got the world drawn already, kinda crappily i might add but hey
mike: know what would be funny
mike: if we were all frenzied berserkers
mike: that's it, we are all going to be one class
mike: i have decided
shaun: haha okay
shaun: halflings are rare
mike: okay so five halfling frenzied berserkers it is
shaun: no they're rare
shaun: i'm allowing the use of the magic of faerun drugs
mike: DRUGGED frenzied berserkers
mike: EVEN BETTER
shaun: drugged up halfling fre
shaun: society is in a depression
mike: this is why
mike: this group of marauding halflings
mike: terrorizing the land
shaun: i hate u you know that right?
mitch: toy baot
mitch: toy boat
mitch: toy boat toy boat
jay: toy boat
mitch: man, that is hard to say
mitch: tiki tiki ta tooka
mitch: ( . )
mike: ( . )( . )
jay: i like lefts better than rights
jay: ( . ) Left boob
mike: but that could be a right one
mike: ohh never mind
mike: i see that you have expertly placed the nipple off-center
jay: I rule
mike: very wise
mike: so what's going on
jay: gotta love sheep
mitch: intellectual conversation
jay: word that up
jay: miked up all night
jay: miked up with mike
mike: miked up huh
jay: whos mke
mitch: if i were miked up....wait what?
jay: YES YES YES
mitch: du du dunu
mike: what if mike gets miked up?
jay: When you wish upon a star your dreams will come true
mitch: nos ne dogonjat
mitch: not gonna get us?
jay: not gonna get us
mitch: nos ne dogonjat
jay: nas ne dogonjat
mitch: nas ne dogonjat
jay: Toy boat
mike: ah tatu
mitch: toy boat
mike: toy boat
mitch: toy boat
jay: I've nver been to toronto
mitch: i have
mike: i've been to toronto
mike: it's dirty
jay: You sure have
mitch: dirty like mud
mike: dirty like dirt
mitch: or dirt
jay: dirty like mike
mike: and garbage
jay: or just miked up dirty
mike: dirty like a miked up mike perhaps
mitch: ew garbage smells like j
mitch: got cha
mike: too slow
jay: fish out of water
mike: fish out of water
jay: fish out of....damn
mitch: ah! pods
jay: Oh Hush
mitch: i'm egyptian
jay: Where's my monocle, I wanna look rich
mike: oh no
mike: replicating pods
jay: Mitch did you sit in my chair?
mitch: hey, blob, have you heard what the pods have been saying about your mother....people are talking man
mitch: sit in your what?
jay: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH (girlish scream)
mike: I'M BACK
mitch: play me to the desk!
jay: I'm egyptian
mitch: oh hush
mitch: i'm not saying anything, i'm asking, were you sitting in my chair
jay: Hold me closely Tony Danza
mike: oh okay
jay: I was
mike: were you?
mike: what are you talking about
mitch: in your chair
jay: whos on first
jay: Whats on second
mitch: if i were tony danza....and you were a leper, would you eat me?
jay: I don't know is on third
mike: well tony danza hmm that's a tough one
mitch: you must mean who as in the unlikely name of a person, not the pronoun
jay: Sold and all that Jazz
mitch: jazz hands, ha
mike: jay has tazz hands
mike: big and hairy
jay: Hobbit hands
jay: Chicks dig hobbit hands.........and penises
mitch: hairy feet and fat and short and hairy
mitch: really, hobbit hands?
jay: Yes feet
jay: or hands
jay: no no i mean feet
mitch: licking smiley
mitch: you mean feet
mitch: or balls, which is it man
jay: my feet aren't mean they are very nice and happy
mitch: hay zeus
mike: holy jebus
jay: homer to Jebus
mitch: jebus rhyms with juses!
mike: jebus rhymes with mebus
jay: blame it on the juice
mike: the moose juice?
mitch: juice, what juice
jay: I love juice
mike: but do you love moose juice
jay: MOOse JUise
mitch: moose juice is juice from a moose, a wild moose
jay: imflamable mean flamable?
mitch: ah, inflamable means flamable
mitch: flame able
mitch: it's good to break down words to understand them better
jay: lactos free gelatinated gumbased soy beverrages
mitch: ya, only there they're called shakes
mike: no way
mitch: it is true, every word
mitch: no word of a lie
jay: Can I hold my gun sideways it looks cooler
mitch: lie lie to lay
mitch: you can do what ever you want, bithday boty
mitch: i think i meant boy
jay: New word. It mean young male.
mitch: ah, yes young male, boty
mitch: super genious!
mike: i shall use boty in everyday conversation from now on
jay: Its cool if you piss your pants
mitch: you can't spell piss with out an i a p and some s's
mike: very true
jay: hhhmm i will find a way
jay: new word means piss
jay: I rule
mitch: duck, the k is silent
mike: whoa, whoa
mike: so ducc means piss
mike: but duck means bird
jay: ducc off
jay: fork you
mitch: flarkle hole
jay: stab stab stab
mitch: stab is bats backward
mike: ravens is snevar backwards
mitch: we can't stop here
mike: this is bat country
mitch: ius that your 'o' face
mitch: o o o
jay: OHOH Oh
mike: Fern Gullay?
mitch: gwar gwar gwar
jay: GWAR GWAR
mitch: ska skaska
jay: I will eat your overies!!!
mike: gwar gwar
jay: if you have then
mike: mitch might though
mike: yes, do you?
mitch: are they the same as testicles?
jay: it's a chocolate drink
mike: yes silly
jay: pretty much, except they make you bitchy
mitch: nestle quick?
jay: Bitchy, Bitchy, Bitchy
jay: Male superstar
jay: THis GUY
jay: What's the capital of Thailand?
jay: This doesn't work so well on the computer
mike: no not quite
jay: I would have gotten you good
jay: wap wap
mike: i think bangjayscock fits well
mitch: yes, i agree
mitch: j.......bang your cock
jay: cock a dooodle doo?
mike: yankee doodle
mike: hey now
mike: you will hurt jay's feelings
jay: The unsinkable II
mitch: no no, it's the ship's name from cabin boy
mike: that's awesome
mitch: thats a good name for a boat, the unsinkable ll
mike: what happened to the first one?
mitch: ding ding ding
jay: jessica is a space caddet
mike: jessica who?
jay: you know who
mitch: who jessica
jay: She is dumber than a post. And posts are not smart at all
mike: but lampposts are bright
mitch: are we talking wooden post
mitch: lamposts are bright
jay: wood post
mike: what kind of wood
jay: very sofyt
jay: new word
jay: soft wood
jay: ba zing
jay: I'm Egyptian
mike: haha jay has sofyt
mitch: oh hush
mitch: sofyt, sounds like sofet
jay: meaning to screw
mike: jay has sofyt which makes it difficult for him to sofet
mitch: or fuck, with a k
jay: screw hard
mitch: a capital k
mike: emphasis on the tail end
jay: What's his NAME???
jay: What does he Rock???
mitch: the G spot
jay: Your a G ole Flag
mitch: your a high flying flag
mitch: 1 time 2 times
mitch: uh huh
jay: oh ya
mitch: got to go
mitch: watch family guy
jay: me too
jay: coming home
jay: see you soon
mitch: no, i locked the door
mitch: later mike
mike: toy boat
mitch: boy toat
mike: jay has small balls
mitch: small balls has j
jay: I hate you all
mitch: oh no, he's still, here
jay: all of you i hate
mike: quick time to leave
mitch: go to hell, all of you