"transportation" - jan. 25/03

melissa: Igloos, cars...both modes of transportation.
"egg" - jan. 29/03

meghan: The egg has gone up to my bum.
"make fun" - jan. 29/03

melissa: We've become the people we make fun of!
"old guys" - jan. 31/03

carlos: What the fuck are those old guys doing at our table?!?
"circle of hate" - feb. 1/03

lorne: Pooh chases Tigger...Tigger chases Pooh...Pooh chases Tigger...the circle of hate, it never ends.
"disgusting" - feb. 4/03

silv: That's disgusting! That's awesome!
"the list" - feb. 8/03

melissa: What we need to do is torch the classrooms, burn down the clocktower, and murder our teachers.
"fuck you sandwich" - feb. 8/03

meghan: Fuck you sandwich!
"death by pen" - feb. 10/03

nick: I'm only taking notes to keep me from stabbing myself in the eye with my pen.
"clothes" - feb. 12/03

melissa: I don't think I've managed to stay in my clothes past nine...
"meat" - feb. 16/03

melissa: I love pounding the meat.
"driveway" - feb. 23/03

jenn: i don't remember randy's dad's name
jenn: i think it's russel
jenn: yes it's russel
mike: are you sure?
mike: I think it's Gomer
jenn: ya that would be classic
jenn: how's this for a quote "it would rear up and charge down the driveway and all us kids would run away screaming"
jenn: lol actual quote
mike: lol
mike: awesome!
jenn: somehow I don't think that would go over well
mike: that would be so cool
jenn: yeah right mike
jenn: it was funny he was like "the deer got big and it had nobody around to play with so it would stand at the end of the driveway, rear up and charge us and we'd all run screaming. And he thought 'hey this is neat, this is good' and he'd keep doing it. Chasing and headbutting and hoofing us."
"sausage" - feb. 23/03

meghan: It looks like a sausage gone horribly wrong!
"deer fear" - feb. 23/03

jenn: I am just picturing being a kid and fearing the deer
mike: lol
jenn: it would be like fearing the big dog...
jenn: but ... a deer
mike: there's the headline
jenn: deer fear
jenn: lol
"food is good" - feb. 24/03

lorne: Food is good. Almost as good as something else.
"urge to kill" - feb. 24/03

meghan: I have an increasing urge to kill a lot of people.
"potential criminal" - feb. 26/03

nick: Everyone who goes into 7-Eleven is a potential criminal.
"no purpose" - march 2/03

melissa: If you can't drink then you have no purpose.
"sypathy" - march 3/03

melissa: If I called you and I was sad, would you sympathize with me?
meghan: Not if you called and said you killed a puppy.
"emotionless" - march 3/03

nick: My house is emotionless?! What do you want it to do, cry at night?
"the drugs" - march 8/03

dustin: I thought the ten bucks covered the drugs. Where's the drugs?
"bribe" - march 10/03

carlos: It was different because these were real cops, not Mexican cops that I could bribe.
"the purpose of pants" - march 12/03

meghan: I like pants, they keep me from...being pantsless.
"licked" - march 13/03

melissa: I never licked anyone today
melissa: to pass on my flu
melissa: like "D" (name changed)
mike: lol
melissa: oh well
mike: oooh that's a paradox
mike: on one hand you want to lick her to pass on your flu
mike: on the other...it's "D".
mike: *cringe*
melissa: I know what would I do? hard decision
mike: maybe kick her first
mike: it would make the decision easier.
melissa: hehe that would be funny
mike: and even if it didn't, it would make you feel better.
melissa: very true
melissa: kicking "D" would make me feel better until she sits on me
melissa: and then it would be horrible
"juice" - march 13/03

nick: Why does this juice smell like the beach?
"scared" - march 17/03

meghan: there are two things to be scared of in life, carney folk and me
mike: well I'm not scared of carney folk
mike: so I guess that leaves only one alternative
meghan: you should be. small hands, smell like cabbage
meghan: oh, and the dutch
meghan: windmills and tulips over taking one country full of happy people is just creeopy
mike: what are you even talking about now??
meghan: things that should scare you
meghan: other than me
"cat name" - march 19/03

meghan: If I had a cat I'd name it Mr. Farty-fart fart fart.
"horde of babies" - march 21/03

meghan: It's like a horde of babies!
"cry and cakes" - march 23/03

melissa: If you cry and bake cakes you can manipulate people.
"cheese pie" - march 23/03

keith hamilton, music journalist: I'm fuckin' up there dancing with a cheese pie!
"jig" - march 26/03

melissa: Shaun just got home
mike: ah tell him i say hello
melissa: he is dancing the jig for you
melissa: lol
mike: haha
melissa: yeah
mike: ooh is it on webcam?
melissa: no it is not
mike: darn
melissa: sorry
mike: well tell him I am most definitely not dancing a jig for him
melissa: lol
melissa: he says "MIIIKE"
"number two" - march 29/03

melissa: Al, we already decided you are number two. That would make you...number two.
"talking" - march 29/03

lorne: I didn't even realize I was talking until I heard noise coming out of my mouth.
"al love" - apr. 2/03

melissa: I think you are cool
melissa: so does Al
melissa: he also wants your body
mike: ah.
mike: that's a great thing to know.
melissa: I thought you would appreciate it
mike: I'm glad you think that but it's not the same
mike: we're just friends
"dagger" - apr. 3/03

silv: Competition hurts, mike, it hurts like a long dagger stabbing into your back.
"good day" - apr. 4/03

meghan: It's Friday, I'm naked and I'm drinking. It's a good day.
"more clothes" - apr. 4/03

melissa: When I put my clothes on I'll have more clothes on.
"word to your mother" - apr. 4/03

meghan: I'm going to go up to random people and go 'word to your mother!'...see how many times I get punched out.
"moose head" - apr. 4/03

lorne: Can you imagine drinking beer out of a moose's head? Not even a skull, just a freshly decapitated moose.
"pants" - apr. 4/03

meghan: If I cared I'd be wearing pants.
"leopard" - apr. 4/03

lorne: If I was gay I'd be all over myself like spots on a leopard.
"professionals" - apr. 5/03

meghan: I wonder why nobody puked or passed out last night?
lorne: Because we're professionals at this point.
"pear" - apr. 10/03

mike: ooh I wonder what April 10 will be on girls are pretty?
mike: back in a sec, getting a drink
nick: i dont know. i just checked. the 9th was pretty weird
mike: okay there was nothing to drink so I had to make do with a pear
nick: lol
"hockey rules" - apr. 12/03

meghan: how long was the game
mike: we played for about 2.5 hours today
meghan: ah
meghan: is this counting water/bathroom breaks?
mike: oh breaks only last a few minutes
mike: and no bathroom breaks!
meghan: ah, pee later
mike: exactly
mike: hockey now, pee later
mike: the biggest breaks are in between games if we are switching goalies.
meghan: ah of course
meghan: can you pee then?
mike: no actually
mike: there are no bathrooms around
mike: you are not allowed to pee
mike: you have to come prepared
meghan: but what if you have to pee mid game?
mike: you are not allowed
mike: you leave, shamed
mike: never to return
meghan: hahahahaha
mike: we take our games seriously
meghan: you don't even get one chance?
mike: well it depends
mike: if you have scored over five goals then you are allowed one chance
meghan: what if it is a quick pee?
mike: it doesn't matter
meghan: we won;t even get into the shitting rules
mike: wise decision
mike: five goals, or there is another alternative
mike: if you must pee then you become the official ball bitch
mike: and have to get all the stray tennis balls that go out of the rink
mike: and you remain the ball bitch until someone else has to pee
meghan: what about if you get thirsty, can you drink?
mike: oh yes drinking is fine
mike: drinking is part of hockey
mike: peeing isn't
meghan: what if you want to drink something girly, like fresh lemonade?
mike: no because to bring fresh lemonade or any sort of fruity juice would mean instant ridicule and bestowing of the ball bitch title
mike: water is allowed
mike: gatorade is allowed
mike: slushes are allowed
mike: that is it
meghan: milk?
mike: definitely not
meghan: even if there is chocolate in it?
mike: most assuredly not, especially if there is chocolate in it
mike: we're playing hockey, not little-annie-picnic
meghan: um, fine. then how about iced tea?
meghan: or regular tea, in a cup with a saucer?
mike: the only way you could have tea in a cup & saucer is if after you drank the tea you hung it from the net as a target
mike: and broke it with a shot
mike: and we all cheered
mike: then that would be allowed
"mac" - apr. 13/03

nick: I call Al Mac sometimes, because it's easier to say than...Al.
"fire" - apr. 18/03

nick: what do you think of this job? its nothing to do with journalism but its kind of cool
mike: it'd probably be a fun job
nick: yeah i might apply for it, just for the hell of it
nick: meghan just caught on fire
mike: what?
nick: i was talkin to melissa on the phone and in the background meghan is yelling "fuck fuck fuck" because she leaned over the stove and her shirt touched it and went up in flames
mike: i see
"kraft dinner" - apr. 18/03

meghan: Kraft dinner kinda scares me.
"expectations" - apr. 20/03

melissa: I smoke, I drink like a fish, jesus christ what more do you want from me?
"bbq" - apr. 21/03

nick: i was talking to my brother today and we decided that sometime in the next month or so, as soon as the weather is good, we're having a big BBQ/party at our place so you should come down whatever weekend it is and come to our party.
mike: okay let me know when
nick: it was our brilliant plan of the day
mike: nice
mike: i'll be there for sure
mike: (unless i'm working)
mike: (kidnapped)
mike: (or dead)
mike: (but if I'm dead it can be my funeral wake)
nick: excellent idea - because nothing says we're sorry you died like burgers and beer
"cakewalk" - apr. 21/03

nick: i just found a reporter job in alberta some place, normally i wouldnt even think about it, but after talkin to dustin is seems like working in tiny little towns is a cakewalk and kinda cool.
"no pie for bears" - apr. 22/03

melissa: When the sign says 'Dont feed the bears' then don't feed the fucking bears. They don't eat pie in the wild.
"osgood" - apr. 22/03

nick: What we need now is a fluke goal or something.
mike: Or for Osgood to die!!!
"red light" - apr. 25/03

nick: Mike, red light coming up.
mike: What?
nick: Red light!
mike: What did you say?
nick: I said you just ran a red light.
mike: Oh crap.
"fountain of beer" - apr. 25/03

nick: A mountain of beer? Sweet.
silv: They make the box a triangle and you're sold?
"impaled" - apr. 26/03

mike L: If we were to crash, at least we'd survive, because we're drunk. You guys would end up impaled all over the place.
"mr fluid" - apr. 27/03

nick: If anybody ever called me Mr. Fluid expert, I think I would lose it.
"high" - apr. 27/03

meghan: I was high on coke - I mean cold medicine.
"poor jesus" - apr. 27/03

lorne: I want to send in a letter to the editor with lyrics to a song I'll write about hanging Jesus, feasting on his organs, and desecrating his corpse.
"minnesota" - apr. 27/03

nick: If I was a restaurant owner in Vancouver and I saw any Minnesota players in my restaurant, I would poison all of them.
shaun: Minnesota can suck my balls.
"blister" - apr. 28/03

reed: Brent, your blister can't beat my blister. This is insane!!!
"feet" - apr. 28/03

reed: I have the ugliest feet known to mankind.
steve: I had pretty feet, until I got this bruise on my toe
"testicle" - apr. 28/03

lorne: i got hit in the nuts with a rubber chicken today
nick: what the hell are you talking about
lorne: a rubber chicken connected with my testicle at high velocity
"stanley" - apr. 29/03

nick: What's his name, that guy?
silv: Oh, I don't know, probably Stanley or some other stupid name.
"ear" - apr. 29/03

mike: You'd be eating and putting stuff in your ear!
"mike exists" - may 1/03

shaun: Mike who?
mike l: sometime today I DO EXIST!!!
"sleeping" - may 4/03

sean: I'm not feeling well, I just woke up.
tara: Why did you just wake up?
sean: Because I was sleeping.
"chum" - may 5/03

jeremy: I'm like your chum, except I hate you.
"deadly caramel" - may 5/03

jeremy: The caramel is deadly sharp!
"eye snot" - may 5/03

rikki: Gross, now I have eye snot on my belly.
"dirtpile" - may 6/03

tony: There's a lot of dirt in this pile.
nick: Well, it's a dirtpile.
"patch" - may 13/03

mike: so what is this super cool job you've mentioned a few times?
katie: working at The Patch, it's a really cool 2nd hand store.
mike: ahh i see
katie: yeah, should be rad if it comes thru
mike: i'll cross my fingers for ya
katie: heh, thanks, tomorrow @ 3!!!!!!!
mike: oh that's the interview?
mike: wear a jacket covered in patches
mike: and wear an eyepatch
mike: and shave a patch out of your hair
mike: show them you're serious
mike: and then tell them your name isn't katie
mike: it's PATCH ADAMS
"gone" - may 15/03

tara: Hello, I can't talk but take care
"awake" - may 16/03

mike: Call me when you wake up.
shaun: But how will I know if I'm awake?
mike: I dunno, just...call me when you get up.
shaun: But how will I know if I'm awake?
mike: Oh, you'll know.
shaun: ...oh, okay.
mike: Okay?
shaun: What am I doing?
mike: Call me when you wake up!!
shaun: You want me to eat when I wake up?
mike: No, CALL ME when you wake up!
shaun: Does that involve using the phone?
mike: Yes.
shaun: Okay.
"halloween" - may 18/03

chris g: It was like Hallowe'en for old people.
"mini" - may 20/03

meghan: I may not be Micheal Moore but I am like a mini Micheal-Moore
"sounds" - may 21/03

mike: shaun is here now
meghan: excellent
meghan: tell him i love him
mike: he says (this is what he is saying RIGHT NOW)
mike: "whhhhooozzz"
mike: "and mine will be like shuuuzzzzuuuu"
meghan: and i want to make sweet sweeet love to him....or at least go out dancing, cause he is fun to dance with
mike: ".....okay"
meghan: hahaha
mike: moment of confusion
meghan: reaction i was looking for
mike: then he is going back to his shuuuzuuzu
meghan: ask shaun if he will marry me?
mike: "okay well, okay ummmmm, uhhhhhh.........pumpkin!"
meghan: sweet
meghan: i look forward to the pumpkin marriage
mike: "uh, my, uh thingamajig, uh, that!"
mike: "shuuwwuuuuuuuzzz"
"ribs" - may 26/03

mike: Why do we have ribs? I mean, what is their point?
"pie confusion" - may 28/03

nick: Why am I getting hit by a pie?
"monkey butler" - june 1/03

meghan: i want a monkey butler
mike: monkey butlers are hard to find
mike: though for some reason about a week ago I think it was nick sent me a link to a site where you could buy monkeys
meghan: haha
mike: they were very expensive though
mike: and these were just normal, regular monkeys
mike: I can only imagine what monkey BUTLERS would cost
meghan: well you can get me one for my birthday
mike: and what, fedex it to you?
mike: I don't think the monkey would appreciate that too much
mike: and then later I'll read in the headlines "Monkey Butler ties up family, robs house"
meghan: hahahaha
mike: I would have to train the monkey first to blame it on silv though
meghan: hahahahaha
meghan: perfect
mike: stealing things, blaming it on silv
mike: yeah it'd definitely be my kind of monkey
"photocopier" - june 4/03

    (jenn's name is "10am and already breaking shit")
mike: heh, i like the sound of your msn name
jenn: of course you do
jenn: you like to laugh at Jenn
mike: guilty as charged
mike: what did you break?
jenn: nothin big...
jenn: photocopier
mike: the photocopier??
mike: what did you do, drop it on the ground?
jenn: yeah i was lifting it above my head in a fit of rage
jenn: and then accidently dropped it
jenn: i didn't mean to go that far mannnn
mike: let me guess
mike: you were going to put it on your head and dance around in a dance of rage
mike: then when it fell it became a dance of sorrow
jenn: hhahahahaa dance of sorrow
jenn: lol
jenn: i was actually gonna dance around in a dance of happiness with the copier
jenn: i like to do that sometimes
"mcgay" - june 6/03

ian: That commercial is McGay.
"driving pants" - june 6/03

jer: Hey Sean, keep your driving pants on.
"naptime" - june 9/03

mohammed: Hey Ian, I'm not paying you 10 bucks an hour to just stand around. Lie down and take a nap.
"smarty pants" - june 10/03

mike: i saw a shirt once, it said "I am wearing my smarty pants"
jenn: lol
jenn: that is terrible
jenn: oh dear
mike: i don't think it was THAT bad
mike: kinda funny I thought
jenn: lol
jenn: funny but...
jenn: terible
jenn: but funny
jenn: but
jenn: terrible
jenn: i am torn
"cheesy bread" - june 11/03

pat: Hey Ian, did you get some of that cheesy bread?
ian: Oh yeah? When's that coming?
pat: It's already been here dude. It's gone now.
ian: Oh, shit. What was on it?
pat: I don't know, cheese and garlic and stuff.
ian: So it was good cheesecake?
"alphabetical" - june 15/03

leigh: We have Bachelor degree's, you'd think we could put ourselves in alphabetical order.
"he prefers chris" - june 18/03

ian: You know what? There might be a lot of boobs here, but I'd still rather hang out with Chris. That might make me sound queer, but it's the truth.
"radar gun" - june 25/03

sergei: Radar gun? You have radar gun?? I LOVE radar gun!!
sergei: I've only bought like four cds in my life and this was one of them, bottle rockets.
dave: Radar gun is one of your favorite songs? And you know the BAND? HAHAHAHAHA!
dave: You're the ONLY ONE who has their cd!
dave: Except like, their family members!
"three words" - july 7/03

sergei: Three words for ya...POS-IT-IVE!
"samige" - july 7/03

jenn: eating a samige?
mike: no no not yet
mike: our lunch is late
mike: usually around 2:30-3:00
jenn: ohhh ok
mike: yup
jenn: well *I* am eating samige
mike: oooh
mike: what KIND of samige
jenn: ummm
jenn: hammm and cheeese and letusss
mike: ahh
mike: what about souuuup
mike: i get souuuup every day
mike: different kind every day
jenn: i have...
jenn: grapes
jenn: GRAPES
jenn: SO THERE
"house" - july 7/03

lorne: you would not believe the fun we had
mike: oh?
mike: tell me about it
lorne: we went there at 1:15
lorne: nobody there
lorne: we waited around
lorne: nobody showed up
lorne: so we called
lorne: nobody answered
lorne: we waited around some more
lorne: nobody showed up
lorne: we called again
lorne: the guy told us 1:50
lorne: we went back and waited
lorne: nobody showed up
lorne: 20 mins later we left
lorne: it was total bs
lorne: i was hoping the guy would show up late so we could push him down the stairs
lorne: i wish i knew where he lived
lorne: i would harass him
mike: haha
lorne: possibly murder him or torture his family members
"7 minutes" - july 7/03

shaun: when do you get off work
mike: 7 mins
shaun: oh
shaun: ok
shaun: i will still be here then
mike: ok
shaun: mike mike mike mike mike mike
shaun: i just wet myself
shaun: Mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike mike
"needed" - july 10/03

sergei: When you type the word 'needed,' it's a funny word, enjoyable almost, n-e-bam-bam-bam bam.
"lol" - july 13/03

katie: oh mike, you make me "lol"
mike: ...that was curious phrasing?
katie: heh, birch and I say it as a word
mike: ohhh, like say it aloud "loll" ?
katie: yes.
katie: lol.
mike: like "toll" or "mister mole"
katie: like "ball" "lol"
"aunt agnus" - july 15/03

dave: You are viewing our EBAY STORE "BUY IT NOW" Special. You get two extra side chairs ($270 Value) included for $1849.
sergei: This is absolute horse shit
mike: By buying this item in our EBAY STORE for $1849, you are getting two extra side chairs ($270 Value) FREE!
sergei: You dumb fucks. You are in our ebay store getting 2 extra side chairs so your Aunt Agnus can sit her big ass down in them around Thanksgiving.
sergei: Value to Aunt Agnus: $270 value and no piss ant kid sitting on her lap.
"cowboy hats" - july 19/03

nick: The Cowboy hat store had no hats that were my size.
chris g: You should've yelled at them.
steve: No, you should go back there, take a hat, flip it upside down and crap in it. Then hand it back.
"owen" - july 19/03

hot girl: I'm looking for Owen!
fraser: I'm Owen! Over here, I'm Owen!
hot girl: You'd better be Owen!
fraser: I'll be Owen you one in the ass if you don't get over here!
"andy moog" - july 20/03

chris g: Hey guys, I met Andy Moog's daughter. Andy Moog!
"caps" - july 22/03

mike: ahahahahaha
mike: me and ed used to have fun in chat rooms using caps and being stupid
mike: mostly it was being stupid, but i remember one bit of convo
mike: "Hey you have the caps lock on, don't know if you've noticed"
katie: *LOOOOOOOOOOOL* hahahahahhahahahaha. I am laughing very loudly at that one
mike: i am smiling very largely
katie: *LOL*
katie: I am repetitive. I know
katie: I AM AWARE
katie: heh, I wasn't yelling
katie: just being silly
"burning hair" - july 23/03

dave: Does anybody else smell burning hair?
"good times" - july 27/03

    (mitch's version of Finger Eleven's "good times")
mitch: Careful, what you wish for, something something, something try to remember!
mitch: Careful, what you wish for, something something, hot girl in a blue car!
"brain" - july 27/03

jer: This is how I look at it. In the wild, if there's a herd of buffalo, the weaker, slower buffalo get killed off. And if the herd losses all the slow, weak ones, it makes itself stronger as a whole. Now, everyone knows that beer kills brain cells. But I think that beer only kills the slow, weak brain cells, which then makes my brain stronger, just like all the buffalo.
nick: Then how do you explain the battery shoved up your nose?
"that band" - july 28/03

jay: Oh I know who I should download some of! That band, you know, with that one guy...
mike: Prozzak?
jay: Yeah!
"clumsy" - july 29/03

jenn: this weekend went out to the shuswap
jenn: pierres point on fri and sat then anglemont on sat and sun
jenn: was so nice just layin on the beach and swimming
jenn: little but of boating
mike: ah, cool cool
jenn: was like the first time this year i've swam
jenn: what about you
mike: was in van
mike: I stepped on a screw sticking out of mitch's van's floor
mike: we were barefoot just come back from playing soccer while drunk
jenn: lol
jenn: a screw in the van
jenn: thats funny
jenn: sounds like an awesome weekend
jenn: well best that you were drunk
jenn: "uhh there's a naaail in my foot..."
jenn: "huhuhu"
mike: it hurt
mike: but yeah was fun
jenn: aww
jenn: well if it helps i slammed my finger in the ro--tap today
mike: what is a ro-tap?
jenn: i have been hurting myself like every half hour the past couple days at work
jenn: just stupid thngs
jenn: like running into things
jenn: or dropping things
jenn: lol
mike: haha
mike: getting more clumsy
jenn: ro-tap rotates and taps a stack of screens
jenn: me always been that clumsy
jenn: im a big dork
mike: NO
mike: REALLY???
jenn: yep!
jenn: you kow it
jenn: lol
jenn: kow looks like cow
"tires" - july 30/03

shaun: you must send me all pictures of Zim NOW!!!
shaun: NOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
shaun: "You're after my robot BEE!!!"
mike: just go to google and type in zim in the images search
shaun: ok
shaun: hey did you know that the same guy who does the voice of Dagget from Angry Beavers does Zim
mike: i don't know who dagget or angry beavers is
shaun: i'm tires
mike: you're tires
shaun: yeah
shaun: Michelen
mike: as long as you're not firestone
shaun: yeah they blow up
shaun: and that would suck
"porn trading" - july 31/03

matt: you can always trade porn.
matt: It's like...black diamonds, on the black market. You can buy the Mona Lisa if you want.
"clients" - july 31/03

matt: I really love having clients we hate, because it's so much fun to make fun of them.
matt: It's not quite so much fun when we have to do work for them, though, but right now it's all good.
"boys of summer" - july 31/03

ryan: did you get your car
ryan: holy crap
ryan: that song is playing
ryan: bye miek
mike: haha
mike: okay...
ryan: no mike
ryan: that song is on
ryan: don henley
mike: yeah i figured
ryan: i mean the ataris version is ok too
ryan: really


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